That whole question of life and death seems tied to me like a big box kite in a continuous breeze. My dear friend and brother Aquataine has recently been diagnosed with cancer and proclamations of old Mr. Death visiting in the relatively near future have tied that kite string to my awareness with a strong cord. I let my feelings, memories and knowledge of my understanding of A. surface and recede like the tide of my awareness. There is a swing between my selfishness and compassion. Us humans tend to do this as it would be difficult to not take changes, particularly unwelcomed ones, to a close tie personally.
Bottom line; I love you.